When I was a child, I didn’t have the “mature mindset” that adults like to pride themselves on. I wasn’t thinking about responsibility or discipline or structure. I was just being a kid. Immature, insecure, curious, stubborn, playful, emotional, all of it. And yet now, as an adult, I look around and see so many parents forgetting what that felt like. They act shocked when their kids behave like children. They say things like, “I don’t understand what’s going on in their heads,” or, “Why do they act like that?” But the truth is, we should know. We were kids once too.
I remember very clearly, as a little girl, making a promise to myself: do not forget what it feels like to be a child. Do not forget that messy brain, the impatience, the need to play, the way small things could feel like the biggest deal in the world. Now, here I am, grown up, a mom to a two and a half year old and an eight month old, and that promise feels even more important.
Of course, my kids are still young. They cannot fully express themselves with words yet. But I know those days are coming, the tantrums, the refusals, the wild ideas, the resistance to structure. And I do not want to be the kind of parent who throws up her hands and says, “I just don’t get my kids.” No. I want to understand them because I really do get it. I was a kid once too.
Take something as simple as homework. When my kids are older, I know there will be days they come home from school and the last thing they want to do is sit down and study. And honestly, I get it. After spending all day in class, of course they want to run outside, kick a ball, ride a bike, or hang out with their friends. I remember that exact feeling. The way my body used to buzz with the need to just play after a long school day.
Now, does that mean I will shrug and say, “Fine, don’t do your homework”? No, of course not. As their parent, it is still my job to guide them. But instead of pushing with a cold, “Because I said so,” I want to approach it with empathy. Something like, “I know you want to play with your friends, I wanted the same thing when I was your age. But let’s knock out your homework first. Then you will have time to play without worrying about it hanging over your head. And on the weekends you will have plenty of time to relax and do fun things.”
To me, that is the balance: being both the parent and the friend. The authority figure who provides structure but also the safe person who understands. The one who remembers that kids are not little adults. They are kids, with their own rhythms, frustrations, joys, and ways of processing the world.
I think so often parents lose that connection. Maybe life gets too serious. Maybe the weight of responsibilities drowns out the memory of what childhood felt like. But I do not ever want to lose that memory. I want to hold onto it tightly because it is the bridge between me and my kids as they grow.
At the end of the day, I want to be my kids’ parent, yes. But I also want to be their best friend, the person they know will always listen, always try to understand, always remember what it is like to be in their shoes. Because I was.
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There’s proven science in what you say. When we were kids, our decisions were often driven by the amygdala — the emotional, reactive part of the brain — because the prefrontal cortex, which handles logic and long-term planning, was still developing. As we grow older, the prefrontal cortex takes more control, helping us regulate emotions and make more reasoned choices. I only learnt this after becoming a parent.