Bullying has always been a topic that weighs heavy on me, and lately I have been thinking about it again. I know I have written about it before, but I want to bring it up because it is still such a very real issue for parents. The more I talk to other moms and dads, especially those with older kids, the more I hear the same story: bullying is happening, and parents often feel stuck about what to do.
The problem is this. If your child comes to you and says they are being bullied, your first instinct is to protect them. Naturally, you think about going to a teacher or the principal. But here is what happens in a lot of cases. The teacher or principal will get involved, which means they will contact the bully’s parents. Then those parents talk to their child about it. And when the bully finds out who “told,” it often makes the situation worse. The bullying does not stop. It intensifies. Parents feel like their hands are tied. They cannot complain to the school, and they certainly cannot approach the bully’s parents without risking an even bigger fallout.
So what are we supposed to do? How do we protect our kids?
The truth is, as much as we would like to shield them from every cruel word or shove in the hallway, we cannot. But what we can do, and what I feel is absolutely essential, is teach our kids to be confident in who they are.
Confidence is such a powerful thing. And no, I do not mean being popular. Confidence and popularity are not the same. But it is funny, because when a child is truly confident, people often gravitate toward them. It is not about being the smartest or the most athletic or the most outgoing. It is about owning who you are, however you are. Whether you are a little shy, the nerdy one, the bookworm, the artist, or the kid who does not fit into any particular box, own it. Be proud of it. When a child has that inner strength, it is much harder for others to tear them down.
And let us be honest. Kids who bully often target the ones who seem unsure of themselves. Or they go after kids who shine too brightly because, deep down, they are jealous. I remember in my own high school, the kids who got the best grades, the ones everyone knew were going places, were often the ones teased. Not because they were not cool, but because they stood out, and standing out makes you a target sometimes.
I know this firsthand, because I was bullied. I cannot even count the number of times I was told I was not good enough, or made to feel like I did not belong. It took years for me to rebuild my confidence, to stop letting those voices echo in my head. I wish someone had sat me down when I was young and told me: You are enough. Be proud of yourself. Do not let anyone make you feel small. That kind of message, drilled in early, could have saved me a lot of heartache.
That is why with my own kids, I am making it a mission to teach them confidence from the start. To remind them daily that they are loved, they are valued, and they have every right to stand tall in their own skin. I want them to know that if someone mistreats them, they do not have to stay quiet. They can speak up, tell that person to stop, and hold their ground. And just as importantly, if they see someone else being treated unfairly, they need to speak up for that person too.
We cannot control every situation our kids will face, but we can give them the tools to walk through those situations with courage.
One way I have found helpful is through books. There are so many incredible children’s books out there that touch on confidence, resilience, kindness, and standing up to bullies. Books give kids characters they can relate to, stories that remind them they are not alone, and lessons that stick with them long after the last page. I will link a few of my favorites at the end of this post, because I truly think they can be game changers for a child who is struggling with self-esteem or being picked on.
This is something that resonates so deeply with me, and I know I am not the only one. Bullying is real, and it is scary for parents to feel like they cannot do anything about it. But here is what we can do. We can raise kids who are confident, resilient, and unafraid to use their voices. Kids who know their worth, and will not let anyone take that away.
Because at the end of the day, the best defense against a bully is not just rules or interventions. It is confidence.
Here are some great books you can buy on Amazon that would benefit your child(ren):
What Will People Think?: How to be Confident in Yourself and Stop Worrying about What People Think
100 Ways To Be Less Awkward: A Slightly Anxious Guide to Social Confidence
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